Another one bites the dust!

So with Stg's introduction you know now that there are three of us trying to cram our thoughts on this blog (with only 3 posts in 3 years, maybe I should have phrased this better). The other two, my soul sisters, are accomplished bloggers with 2 or more blogs each. I'm the novice and unlike the other two who (plan to) contribute to this blog, I'm the the one with more mundane stuff on my mind: will people smile when they read this or will they snicker. Will they get the jokes or not. Should I write on issues of national importance such as Rahul Gandhi's marital status or on the more      lighthearted things like should we crucify pilots who like a drink before work ( after all how does it matter, if the passengers don't die in an aircrash, they will die in a road/ train / tram / ferry      accident, which we are never short of in India. Death never forgets, as the Final Destination movies like to remind us.)

E & Stg are no help, they write for their own satisfaction and as a log of their memories. But I can't get my head around this. I mean, why would you write if no one was gonna read. Do words and sentences mean anything if there is no one to interpret them. Or in other words , if no one smirks is it still a satire? Quite like the philosophical question that someone once asked me, if an elephant poops in the forest without anyone there to watch it, does it still stink?

But enough fooling around... in the five months that it has taken me to write this post  ( told you,am really bad at this ) things have moved very rapidly  in life. Four months back I was working very hard, trying to have a great career while also trying to be a good mom ( I know , I know but this is the way things were.... I was trying to have a career at the cost of being available for my child. ) . Somehow somewhere along the way, the entire plan collapsed, and am now on my way to being a SAHM, at least for the short term.

Am I unhappy? I was. Miserable for a long time with the future looming like a black void, the anguish of knowing that you are good but not being able to demonstrate it because you are so torn between your various roles. Wondering if the 'sacrifice' is necessary and /or worth it. Spent long hours debating with myself on what would be the best way forward and if the baby's rights were more important than mine (yes, I know, i'm one self centered b****). Well actually, it felt longer than it was . Just saw that E's last post was in February. Feels like a lifetime back.

So unhappy ( and radiating unhappiness with such intensity that nobody in a 100m radius could smile and whatever early spring flowers were around automatically wilted) and feeling wretched I was trudging along through the days. Then one day I had to take a leave from office and drop my son to school. When I went to pick him up his teacher, before going in to get him, told me he is super excited that his mom's gonna pick him up today. I mean here I was , debating whether it will make my son any happier if I quit and in front of me was my son , so happy that for once I had time to pick him up from school. Dancing around, he showed me off to his teachers and friends, saying “mumma aayi      hai (mom's here)”. He was excited all the way back from school and at home for the day. This from a child who sees me for less than 2-3 hours a day ever since he was 8 months old (weekends dont count) and is extremely attached to and happy in the company of his Nani.

Who could resist in the face of such Joy!

So the reason i'm writing this post is to remind myself in the days to come why I made the decision that I did. So that when am dying of boredom and questioning my wisdom in giving up a good job in a great company I can read this and see that I had very good reasons to. And when people arch      their eyebrows and say , 'oh you are a housewife' I can read this and remember his smile and be at peace with my choices.